Dildo selfie stick…just because…

A friend (now former friend!) sent me this video. Which is, of course, fabulous.Who hasn´t wanted to capture their orgasm face by using an extendable pointy stick and their mobile phone? What a totally awesome idea. (For those with an irony bypass I´m joking)

Incidentally, my former friend suggested that photos taken with the implement would be fantastic to use for my Marbella escorts website or for my friends who work with escorts in Ibiza and mature escort in London.

I have to admit that after I´d laughed my head off for a minute or so I did actually give it a second´s thought. Maybe not a full second because, eww. Even if it brought in business. just eww.

The link from the YouTube channel takes you through to a website that asks

Is the Dildo Selfie Stick real? No.

Is it a stupid idea? Yes.



Oh I could not agree more! It is a fantastic sentiment that I totally endorse. So, will people please stop WhatsApping me with dick pics? I have seen one before. In fact I have looked them in the eye more than once and I promise you that if you´re sending me a photo of your one eyed monk it´s not going to impress either me or my girlfriends in Marbella.

And all the instragram accounts with photos of cups of coffee. Really? Let alone reality TV and all the morons who think its anything to do with reality. Whew that feels better. Thanks for listening and indulging me.

The video has great production values, is well acted and has received way over 1.5 million hits on YouTube. Given that it´s basically a promo video for Michael Krivicka (Twitter @thebaldguy ) who writes and produces viral videos, you have to take your hat off to him. Mission accomplished I´d say.

I´m feeling inspired to dive into my YouTube channel now and I´m advising all my friends including Ally´s Angels in Ibiza to do the same

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun
escort marbella sexy hot body

British Girls Are Exotic (?)

Can you believe it? It seems that British girls have become exotic end something of a novelty.

The market seems to be flooded with girls from other nationalities. Not only eastern Europeans, but beautiful Italian and Spanish girls. Of course I also have Scandinavian girls, Russian girls and my lovely South Americans, But it does seem that as there are so few British girls of the right class working here, British seems exotic.

Monica bellucci boobs and beach

Lovely, but I want a bird from Bradford please…

I get requests from guys saying “do you have any English girls?”. Surprisingly this is often UK numbers, so British men abroad looking for British girls rather than a taste of something different. We British are a xenophobic lot in every way apparently! I would have thought that someone looking for a Marbella escort would want something more of a local flavour or perhaps something a little spicier or normally out of reach.

However this seems to not be the case. British boys want British girls! However getting British girls is slightly more challenging because they are much more difficult to find amongst the bevy of international beauty that is now working in this industry. I also have to say, and forgive me here ladies, that British girls who escort Marbella clients are usually more difficult to work with.

I don’t know if it’s our British attitudes to sex and the sex industry, but we Brits seem to be much more conservative in our view of the work and what´s necessary in doing the work. Or at least in setting ourselves up to work, anyway.

If a hot Italian flies in, she will immediately supply pictures and a list of services and availability and off we go. It´s like having Marbella escorts in a box…just add website! The same could be said of the spicy Brazilian or interesting Hungarians, all of whom send me everything I need to be up and running immediately: I can market them by WhatsApp even before I get them on the website, and out web team work 24/7!

Brits can be sexy too

Brits can be sexy too

However with a British girl who escorts Marbella clients it often involves two or three phone calls and a process of counselling before they appear on the books. Of course there are exceptions, but generally the British girls are more difficult to work with. They don´t have photos and often don´t understand why they would be needed (!), every service gets greeted with “it depends” and it is not unusual for them to specify the nationalities, age range and BMI of the men they will meet. Hey, they are independent so it´s their decision but it does make it more difficult when I have to choose between putting the client through a tough interview questionnaire, or just sending a red-hot chica and saving everyone time and heartache!

But there are times when it doesn’t matter that British girls are tricky to work with because I can charge a premium, they can make a little bit more money and the customer gets what he wants. And that is most important, that the client gets what he wants. If he has a hankering for British babes, I´m the woman to help him out, no matter how tricky the supplier may be.

Kelly brook leather jacket and sheer panties

Yeah, OK. British girls…

I don’t necessarily advertise that we are British owned and run but somehow the girls seem to find out.  And as working girls are as xenophobic as the next Brit and typically have only one language, unlike the other European ladies or ladies from all over the world that speak several languages, British girls like to stick to what we know and feel more comfortable talking to an English woman. So yes I am in the fortunate position that I do attract British working girls. I am also in the unfortunate position that I often have to train them to be professional…

So if you are away on holiday with the lads of a long weekend and just fancy something a little bit naughty but that still reminds you at home, someone you can have a conversation with if you choose to and someone that is kind of familiar, please get in contact. Because I’ve got access the perfect girl for you! I can’t say that I’ve got English Scottish and Welsh tottie lining up at my door, but I am more likely to have them other agencies. So come on down boys and book your British escort working in Spain!


Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

It’s Fun & Games Till Someone Gets Hurt

It’s all fun fun fun until someone gets hurt. And I have written recently about another event which caused problems and made me worried and I just had another. This is most unusual!

Most of the time it’s fun fun fun. I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. The girls enjoy the work and make some money and it’s lovely seeing happy satisfied customers getting exactly what they want; a cheeky thrill and a bit of a ride.

Beautiful women should be treated well

Beautiful women should be treated well

99% of all our bookings go off smoothly and without a hitch. Okay maybe not without a hitch, maybe with the wrong directions, the wrong hotel, the wrong outfits, the wrong price, but in the main it’s incredibly successful and everybody gets what they want.

So I am far from being negative. But as I say, just recently I had yet another problem. One of our beautiful escort girls turned up to see a gorgeous gentleman that she had met before for an overnight stay and as she arrived he paid her the money and all seemed good. So we said goodbye for a few hours and planned to catch up with her at the end date.

However a few hours later I get a panic phone call from her and a strange message from him.

His message leaves word that he needs to return to his boat in the early hours of the morning unexpectedly, therefore he does not want to keep the lady any longer, can he pay less? Of course I say no. He’s paying her time and company and the contract was that she would stay the full time. She seem to still want to stay, so he has to pay irrelevant of how long they actually stay together.

Leaving or arriving?

Leaving or arriving?

However the girl tells a different story. It seems that after a few hours of play and chat this particular gentleman wants to have sex without a condom. This is completely against the rules – if there are any rules of course – none of the ladies I work with will have unprotected sex. I would not expect them to. In fact I would be horrified if they did and I have sacked girls who have done exactly this when I found out.

In this business safe practice is essential and as you can imagine all of our professional escorts are totally conscious of sexual health. Far more so than the general public. So it is always protected sex. That is about her protection and his.

It always amazes me how gentlemen can want unprotected sex with a girl who has probably had more sex in the last week than he has had in the last year. Even though I know they are safe, surely he would be taking the risk, however small. So protected sex at all times ladies and gentlemen!

So, having been rejected by my lady the client persisted. He actually persisted quite strongly and verbally violently. Of course he wasn’t going to get what he wanted so he made some excuse about having to leave early and called me wanting a refund.

This was not going to happen. So I suggested to him that if he had to leave now he should do so and we part as friends.

He insisted that he was going to call the police as his mother  – yes his mother’s – party is in local government. I suggested that he called the police straight away as I have a very good working relationship with them. Prostitution is completely legal here in Spain and the police are always happy to accommodate and protect young ladies. So I told him “Please, go right ahead”.

I also told him that I’d be very happy to talk to his mother. I didn’t think he quite got my full meaning.

Playing nicely

Playing nicely

But fortunately for all concerned he backs down. I had the hotel number on speed dial and was just about to ask reception to run up and knock on the door when the beautiful lady in question told me she was outside and that she was fine. She and I talked later and no damage done.

But this particular client is now blacklisted and I have told all of my escort ladies who work with other agencies and independently. So the choice is there. This is the kind of industry where it’s important to share this kind of information. So having recently had a couple of incidents I feel confident (or maybe not) that I can go forward with the rest of the summer pretty much without incident .

I will have to wait and see but everybody now has a big smile back on their face and is looking forward to the next instalment of my funny stories. So that’s the important thing don’t you think?


Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

We Are Having A Run On Louisas

Some days you just don’t have enough Louisas.

It’s really strange; you can not work with particular girl for days, weeks or even months, and then suddenly everybody you talk to wants to meet that particular lady. I don’t understand it. But sometimes you just get a run a particular beautiful girl.

sexy legs in high heels and stiockings

Barely enough time to change undies

All I do know is that you should look for when that particular lady is hot, and recognise that when she is hot she will sell all the time. And it’s best to maximise it when it happens. Especially as it doesn’t last. There will always be another flavour of the month. Being an escort in Marbella or pretty much anywhere else is like that.

The girls seem to understand this as well and the best are always chasing work. They want more work and are always requesting more work. But they generally understand that in the same way that they may sometimes be quiet for a period, they will be also have periods of being incredibly busy. So busy that there is just not enough time in the day or night to meet all the clients who want to see them.

I suppose it’s a bit like being an actress. Sometimes you’ll be resting and you don’t get a call for little while and you should just enjoy that time, because if you’re good then you will soon be back in high demand.

That’s the cycle Louisa has been through. She is a fabulously attractive woman, beautiful and striking, sexy and sensual. And also incredibly professional, sweet and friendly. But for a few weeks she hasn’t been that busy. Then all hell broke loose and she was suddenly the flavour of the month. Every other call was to arrange a date with her and the shortest of them was for three hours.


A nice coffee before the next wave

And because she is so striking, tall and exotic it was also incredibly difficult to switch sell to others of our Marbella escorts. We very quickly reached the point where we had a waiting list to meet her! She made the same in two days as she had made the previous month and, bless her, was willing to work all the hours of the day and night because she knew that this was the time to “make hay”.

Other less professional girls might have protested about being too tired, or objected to being so busy, because they would have assumed that having started the purple patch would go on forever. But we and she knew that our “run on Louisas” must have an end point. And since we couldn’t clone her or manufacture a substitute, we just moved heaven and earth to take advantage of the opportunity.

So the moral of this is; recognise when you are and hot and take full advantage of it. Because it may not be that way tomorrow!


Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Date Rape for Professionals

As I said before I really like this industry. Perhaps it’s because (and this is ridiculous) it’s more honest than some of the other mainstream businesses I have been involved in.

The people I have met doing this work are generally speaking are much nicer and much more business-like than in a lot of other businesses. Also, this business can be a lot of fun. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and with others in order to keep yourself sane during the day.

However, before we get carried away, we must remember that this business also has its downsides. There are dangers and things that people forget when everybody is having a really good time. I wanted to discuss an incident that happened with one of my lovely ladies only last week.

blonde brazilian girl wearing stockings photographed from behind with strong backlight

Sweet gentle and kind

Natalie is a beautiful Brazilian girl; sweet funny honest and kind. She  has long blonde hair and big, big brown eyes. At only 22 she is one the younger ladies that I work with, however I have worked with her for the last two years we’ve had a lot of fun together, we’ve both made some money and we’ve been safe and business-like in every regard. Natalie is a total professional. She works with other agencies not just here with me but in other parts of the country. For someone so young she is very experienced and knows exactly how it works. She is not stupid or naïve, but she is trusting and, as I said, kind and sweet.

Last week Natalie got a call to see a gentleman in a private villa in Estepona, not far from here. The call was to see one of the gentlemen staying in the house, but it was explained and agreed that his friend would be present in a different room.

This gentleman was not sure of the service he wanted. As I explained, he paid for Natalie’s time and company so the price of the hour is the price; whatever takes place is between the two of them. Sitting and chatting or having a massage or anything else is the same fee. That is the same with all of our Marbella escorts.

Eventually a time was agreed and Natalie set off with our driver to meet this particular individual. So far so good, it was just a normal call on a normal day. It was very early in the morning but there is nothing unusual in that.

As she arrived at villa I reminded Natalie that she must tell me that she is safe and happy before the appointment commenced. She said okay and went into the call just as every other morning. At this point I do not have any suspicions at all, it was just a normal day. So I waited for the all clear signal.

blonde girl in black body with belt at waist

She really is gorgeous.

I usually allow my escorts in Marbella ten minutes to let me know everything is okay before I start to panic. Obviously she needs to get into the apartment, house or hotel, meet the gentlemen in question, say hello and take care of business matters.

However after five minutes I had Natalie on the phone to me. The gentlemen wanted a cheaper price for the call. He was saying that all he needed was a massage and therefore the price should be cheaper. This is not the case! As I said, the price is the price for the call, whatever happens. So after a little time, explanation and renegotiation everybody seemed happy and the booking about to commence.

However I still needed Natalie to tell me all clear and she hadn’t. So I waited a little longer and a little longer, while updating our driver who had noticed a couple of things he wasn’t happy with and was sat 25 metres away from the villa.

Still it was all quiet too quiet, so after two or three additional minutes, which seemed like 10 or 25 more while I was waiting, I called Natalie again. She answered the phone and was almost incoherent. She couldn’t speak at all. As soon as I heard her I sent a WhatsApp to the driver to rush to find out exactly what was happening.

On arrival (about 10 seconds after my message!) he found Natalie sitting on the front doorstep, safe but very incoherent and looking very, very pale and grey. The client was apparently trying to help. He said that she had become unwell and that the call would have to end, could we provide an alternative escort?

Not the scene my driver found

Not the scene my driver found

In the middle of this, his friend appeared; a bodybuilder type dressed in a vest and designer sweatpants. The look he gave his friend set my driver’s radar off like a klaxon! There was some discussion with the driver about what happened, whether she should stay, and getting an alternative escort girl from Marbella. Our driver played it very low-key and diplomatically while carefully keeping his eyes and ears open and making sure there was a clean exit route for Natalie if anything escalated.

In the midst of this Natalie quietly told the driver that she was sure she had been drugged. And from the way she said it, it was pretty obvious that she had.

So the driver agreed to leave straight away, put her in the car (practically carrying her while keeping a close eye on the two now former clients) and took her home.

They called me, so I answered to apologise and say that I would get a replacement lady to visit them as soon as possible and what was the service they required. However they were most unhappy as they said that Natalie was accusing them of drugging her.

Obviously I played it cool; there is no point in aggravating an already upset customer. However I trust Natalie having worked with her two years with no problems at all. If she feels that she’s been drugged I am totally on her side. Especially as in the middle of the call with the client I get a WhatsApp from the driver telling me that he was sure she had been slipped sleeping pills and that the guys were not to be trusted at all.

And yes, he can tell the difference between the effects of sleeping pills and a hypnotic sedative like Rohypnol. Our staff is rather well trained…

jason statham as transporter with girl hostage over his shoulders from The Transporter

A little like this. But without the tape, thank God.

Later in the day when she recovered and had ten hours uninterrupted sleep, I discussed with her what actually happened in the house.

It seems that once they had paid her the agreed money, both men went into the kitchen. She could hear them whispering and they came out of the kitchen with a large bottle of water which they insisted she drank. She is experienced enough not to drink from anything unless it is sealed, but they were very insistent. So she had a small sip to be polite. But they said that it was going to be a hot day and perhaps she should have a little more.

She took a few more sips of water just to please them and then went to stand. This is when it went very wrong. She found that her legs buckled beneath her, that she was dizzy and felt sick. Fortunately this is when she received my call and she had her mobile phone in her hand, so she was able to talk to me.

Of course I can never prove anything. These gentlemen may just have been nice guys with an unfortunately creepy and aggressive manner and she may just have been unwell. Instant onset food poisoning perhaps?

But the driver had been with Natalie most of the previous evening and she had been totally well. So it seems unlikely to me that a fit and healthy girl entering the call should be so sick when leaving the call ten minutes later.

Now I am not pointing fingers because that would be wrong. I have no proof. I do not know what went on in the house.

However, I trust Natalie and I would always err on the side of caution, removing a lady potentially threatening situation as soon as possible. Who knows what happened? I am pleased to say that in this case all is well that ends well.

But it does emphasise that this job is not totally safe. It’s not without its dangers and everybody should remain vigilant and cautious at all times. I do endeavour to take good care of all my escort ladies at all times and I’ll be honest with you, if I had to choose between the gentleman’s version of things and girl’s version of the situation I would back the girl every time!

david gandy looking sultry

Not the average client

I get to know these professional escort girls really well and work with them for a long time, so it would be unlikely after two years of working together that she should give me a totally bogus read on the situation. Especially when a rather seasoned professional driver has exactly the same view.

And that is why we are so paranoid and careful about security and protecting our girls in Marbella. I haven’t and won’t tell you exactly what the security measures are for obvious reasons. But they are there just in case.

Fortunately on this occasion all is well that ends well. In this particular case Natalie was back working in the afternoon with her sunny smile back in place being a total professional.


Ione x british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Ladies, Welcome to the Jungle

The season is now really getting into full swing in Marbella. The tourists are flocking in, with 5 million apparently expected over July. And with the tourists come the sexy girls.

Which is great. But it does mean that I am spending a huge amount of every day meeting and interviewing beautiful ladies who are keen to escort Marbella‘s gentlemen visitors. I know what you’re thinking, what a hard life I have talking to some of the sexiest girls in the world and deciding whether they are good enough to work with us.

Kim basinger waiting at a bar

Waiting for yet another interviewee

But to be honest it’s not as glam as you’d think. On any given day I get between four and ten new girls contacting me during July and August. Some have worked with us before and are just letting we know that they are back in town. Others (the majority) are new to us and need to have the way we work explained to them, as well as me looking at their photos, meeting them and deciding whether they are hot enough and professional enough for us to represent them.

So I spend a few hours every day drinking sparkling mineral water (honest!) and rotating incredibly glamorous and sexy women of all shapes, sizes, ages and nationalities through every 30 minutes or so!

The bars I use for our interviews know what we do and are extremely discreet, with the exception of the owner of one bar who insists on giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to everyone I meet there. Even if they are just the girls from my pilates class!

It was just too stressful dealing with the inquiring looks and occasional questions when using random meeting places.

The upshot is that to produce a line-up of amazing Marbella escorts that is truly top-notch takes time, patience and a slightly shameless nature. Sounds like me to a tee! Except the time and patience parts…

But it’s worth it in the end, when you look at the array of beautiful escorts in Marbella this year.


Ione x

escort marbella sexy hot body

Strange season so far

The summer officially started on 21st June. Good to know. In reality it’s been summer here in Marbella since mid May. At least that’s when the visitors really started to return in decent numbers. Indeed the tourist authorities in Malaga say that after a record-breaking 2014 we have had the busiest May ever. Which is quite impressive as Marbella was supposed to have died a few years ago. Some corpse!

Abandoned winter Ocean club marbella

From the winter…

But the main season will really hit mid July. So those of us who are already a little tired and jaded had better get ready for what’s to come!

The summer explosion of wealthy visitors also means an influx of visiting escort girls into Marbella. It is estimated that up to 5,000 visiting escorts flood the area during the summer months. And it feels as though most of them contact us about getting work. We could spend our entire summer interviewing beautiful and glamorous women….it’s a tough life.

In reality, we have to be very strict about time management as well as extraordinarily tough and selective about who we choose to work with. The summer is so busy that we really can’t be spending time with unprofessional or flaky people. So yes, looks and sex appeal are important if a girl wants to escort Marbella clients, but personality and approach matter much more.

four girls in bikini at pool party in marbella

To the summer…

And the season has been a little strange so far in that it has been full of peaks and troughs. The troughs are still flipping busy, by the way! It is that way, that’s just the way this business is, but the peaks usually relate to something; public and school holidays, Ramadan, the weather, even people fleeing an election! But this year so far there hasn’t been any reason behind the fluctuations. So I think we are just going to accept that we have to be ready at a moment’s notice for whatever gets thrown at us!


Ione x