Will Brexit mean a Brit expat exodus?

The short answer is no. Certainly not from here in Spain.

This article in The Times raised the question recently in a rather dramatic manner, such that The Guardian felt obliged to report it. Does anyone else remember when The Times was the official newspaper of record for the entire world?

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The facts, though, do not support the argument. And nor does apocryphal evidence here “on the ground”.

The Times quotes UN population estimates for 2015 which say that 1.22 million Britons are living in other EU countries at present. The same source shows that in 2010 the figure was 1.18 million. The estimated number of British migrants in the EU has therefore slightly increased during the six years to 2015.

The article says that 100 Britons have been leaving Spain over the past two years. That is based on UN data showing that slightly fewer than 309,000 UK nationals were living in Spain during the period, compared to 381,025 in 2013. The 2010 level was 319,144 people.

However, the article’s claim that the drop in the number living in Spain is driven by Brexit fears has not been substantiated. Data published by Spain’s national statistics office reveal that outward migration from Spain has increased substantially since 2009 due to the country’s economic woes, which have affected both Spanish nationals and foreign-born residents.

However, it is quite likely that the UN data underestimates the number of Britons living abroad because EU citizens living in other member states do not have to register their arrival.I know many Britons who have been living in Spain for many years and have not obtained an NIE. I´m not sure how they function, as without it most things are somewhere between difficult and impossible, but then I am fairly well integrated.

Even fewer go for full residency, as it is extremely difficult (and sometimes expensive) to obtain. Which is odd, as paying tax properly without residency is tricky, so you would think the government would encourage it.

I also wonder how the number of Britons is calculated – NIE registrations, local voter registrations or residency?

For example, in 2010 the Institute for Public Policy Research estimated that 808,000 UK nationals were living in Spain permanently. And that certainly seems like a far more realistic figure

In addition, as the piece itself states, there is no sudden increase in Britons returning home. According to the latest migration estimates from the Office for National Statistics 87,000 British citizens returned to the UK in the year ending September 2015. In the same period for the previous year, it was 81,000. And in 2010 at the height of the economic crisis and when there was no talk of Brexit, 92,000 Britons left. So basically, the entire article is tosh!

There are also a huge number of Spaniards emigrating to other Eu countries in the same period. And that has little to do with “Brexit” and everything to do with the terrible economic situation in most of Spain, and especially for young people.

We are fortunate here in Marbella in that we have a micro-economy made up of wealthy residents, and the tourists that we attract here are more wealthy than the general population. And that is obviously good news for my Marbella escorts!

As an aside, the article in The Guardian did give them the chance to roll out some of the usual cliches, including what Britons in Spain are like. Did they mention Marbella, or the successful business and club owners in Ibiza? Oh no. They show this…2984

I mean, really? Not Tibu and La Sala in Marbella, or the bars inland where everyone is beautifully integrated? Not Pacha in Ibiza, where my friends who are Ibiza escorts spend so much of their “off-duty” time? Nope. Fat middle aged men  surrounded by Union flags playing, incidentally, American pool! Grrr…

Its like someone doing an article about England and deciding to show a photo of a pub in Skelmersdale instead of somewhere in Chelsea where my London MILF friends might hang out. Or an abandoned park in some former mining town instead of sexy beautiful girls putting their wares on display in Green Park.

Everything is about focus I get. And the media are superb at controlling that while all the time presenting themselves as impartial.

So, back to the original question. Will Brexit mean that there will be a massive exodus of Britons from Spain? Only if the Spanish decide that the huge amounts of money spent here by Britons are outweighed ny the few people claiming Spanish benefits. There is no way on Gods earth that most expat Brits will voluntarily go back!

Kisses

 

 

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Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Escort girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Escorts who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

Taste The Bush

Hard to imagine why an advert that invites you to “taste the bush” might generate complaints in the UK.

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Typically subtle Australian advertising

Just read this in Huffington Post and it made me cringe and smile. Not at the same time, that would have made me look like I was having a stroke.

Australian wine company Premier Estates decided to push their brand with an advert and social media campaign that was pretty much certain to generate some controversy. Heaven forbid what they might have chosen to do so as a way of getting a lot more bang for their buck. Why pay for advertising when you can get the UK´s Advertising Standards Authority and the media (and me) to do it for you?

The ASA received eight complaints and then climbed on their high horse and pontificated with their ruling against Premier Estates.

They said that most people watching the ad would interpret “taste the bush” “to be a reference to oral sex, particularly given that it was accompanied with the image of the wine glass positioned directly in front of the woman’s crotch.”They said that because of that “the ad presented the woman in a degrading manner,”.

They also ruled that people would understand the hashtag #TasteTheBush to be a double entendre that could refer to Australian wine or female genitalia. Surely not?

I asked my escorts in Marbella and my friends who are Ibiza escorts and they just laughed at how pompous we British can be sometimes. They were also amazed that eight people complaining can mean that the rest of the British people are not allowed to see something…except via social media, the newspapers…

Personally I think it is the great tradition of subtle Australian advertising as shown in the Holeproof “No Knickers” campaign…

And I shall be seeking out the fine but reasonably priced Premier Estates wines at the first opportunity.

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Girls who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

“Nice” beats “Playboy model” ?

Men who are spending money to pay for the company of a beautiful escort in Marbella do not have the tastes you would think. They would rather pay to meet a girl who is “nice and friendly” than one who has been a “Playboy model”.

We have been doing a little testing together with some of the Directory sites that we work with and also our friends who run the best escort service in Ibiza. The results are not what you would expect.

Being of a scientific bent (you´d never think it but I´m a geek at heart and by training) I wanted to test our assumptions about what would pull the most inquiries. So we took the same girl and tested different combinations of photos and text and recorded the number of inquiries and bookings. The results were very clear and not what we expected. The short version:

Nasty selfies don’t pull. But neither do over-perfect and shiny photos. Professional but not too artificial works best.

sienna miller is too beautiful to be an escort

Vogue models are far too perfect to be escorts

A write-up that is too full of “sexy” references and is over the top turns clients off.

The language men like when they are looking for company and the language agencies normally use is totally different. Girls like to use phrases like “glamorous”, “gorgeous”. What men respond to is “nice” “friendly” “kind” “approachable”.

Even real and factual references that you would think would be attractive are not as good as being “friendly”. So one of our ladies who has recently been a Playboy centrefold gets more inquiries when we advertise her as “friendly and nice” and use decent professional photos than when we use her Playboy photos and mention that in her biography.

The same is true of ladies who are Vogue models and porn stars. Wow.

Don’t get me wrong, when a gentleman wants to meet a Playboy model or a pornstar they really want to meet them! But most men prefer to meet a far sexier version of the girl next door. And when we are dealing with elite clients with elite expectations then the rules are different.

But for most clients, maybe the girl next door that they couldn’t have. Is it that men still find beauty and overt sexiness intimidating even when the girl they are with is (in the words of Pretty Woman) “a sure thing”? Does too great a disparity between a beautiful escort and the client make the financial nature of the date too obvious?

If you’re a 5 and you find yourself with a 10 in your arms does it ruin the fantasy?

Whatever the reason, we will be looking at our approach a little over the next few months and so will our friends with the sexiest escorts in Ibiza. Maybe we should re brand as the having the nicest and friendliest girls instead?

Kisses

Ione x

escort marbella sexy hot body

British Girls Are Exotic (?)

Can you believe it? It seems that British girls have become exotic end something of a novelty.

The market seems to be flooded with girls from other nationalities. Not only eastern Europeans, but beautiful Italian and Spanish girls. Of course I also have Scandinavian girls, Russian girls and my lovely South Americans, But it does seem that as there are so few British girls of the right class working here, British seems exotic.

Monica bellucci boobs and beach

Lovely, but I want a bird from Bradford please…

I get requests from guys saying “do you have any English girls?”. Surprisingly this is often UK numbers, so British men abroad looking for British girls rather than a taste of something different. We British are a xenophobic lot in every way apparently! I would have thought that someone looking for a Marbella escort would want something more of a local flavour or perhaps something a little spicier or normally out of reach.

However this seems to not be the case. British boys want British girls! However getting British girls is slightly more challenging because they are much more difficult to find amongst the bevy of international beauty that is now working in this industry. I also have to say, and forgive me here ladies, that British girls who escort Marbella clients are usually more difficult to work with.

I don’t know if it’s our British attitudes to sex and the sex industry, but we Brits seem to be much more conservative in our view of the work and what´s necessary in doing the work. Or at least in setting ourselves up to work, anyway.

If a hot Italian flies in, she will immediately supply pictures and a list of services and availability and off we go. It´s like having Marbella escorts in a box…just add website! The same could be said of the spicy Brazilian or interesting Hungarians, all of whom send me everything I need to be up and running immediately: I can market them by WhatsApp even before I get them on the website, and out web team work 24/7!

Brits can be sexy too

Brits can be sexy too

However with a British girl who escorts Marbella clients it often involves two or three phone calls and a process of counselling before they appear on the books. Of course there are exceptions, but generally the British girls are more difficult to work with. They don´t have photos and often don´t understand why they would be needed (!), every service gets greeted with “it depends” and it is not unusual for them to specify the nationalities, age range and BMI of the men they will meet. Hey, they are independent so it´s their decision but it does make it more difficult when I have to choose between putting the client through a tough interview questionnaire, or just sending a red-hot chica and saving everyone time and heartache!

But there are times when it doesn’t matter that British girls are tricky to work with because I can charge a premium, they can make a little bit more money and the customer gets what he wants. And that is most important, that the client gets what he wants. If he has a hankering for British babes, I´m the woman to help him out, no matter how tricky the supplier may be.

Kelly brook leather jacket and sheer panties

Yeah, OK. British girls…

I don’t necessarily advertise that we are British owned and run but somehow the girls seem to find out.  And as working girls are as xenophobic as the next Brit and typically have only one language, unlike the other European ladies or ladies from all over the world that speak several languages, British girls like to stick to what we know and feel more comfortable talking to an English woman. So yes I am in the fortunate position that I do attract British working girls. I am also in the unfortunate position that I often have to train them to be professional…

So if you are away on holiday with the lads of a long weekend and just fancy something a little bit naughty but that still reminds you at home, someone you can have a conversation with if you choose to and someone that is kind of familiar, please get in contact. Because I’ve got access the perfect girl for you! I can’t say that I’ve got English Scottish and Welsh tottie lining up at my door, but I am more likely to have them other agencies. So come on down boys and book your British escort working in Spain!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

It’s Fun & Games Till Someone Gets Hurt

It’s all fun fun fun until someone gets hurt. And I have written recently about another event which caused problems and made me worried and I just had another. This is most unusual!

Most of the time it’s fun fun fun. I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. The girls enjoy the work and make some money and it’s lovely seeing happy satisfied customers getting exactly what they want; a cheeky thrill and a bit of a ride.

Beautiful women should be treated well

Beautiful women should be treated well

99% of all our bookings go off smoothly and without a hitch. Okay maybe not without a hitch, maybe with the wrong directions, the wrong hotel, the wrong outfits, the wrong price, but in the main it’s incredibly successful and everybody gets what they want.

So I am far from being negative. But as I say, just recently I had yet another problem. One of our beautiful escort girls turned up to see a gorgeous gentleman that she had met before for an overnight stay and as she arrived he paid her the money and all seemed good. So we said goodbye for a few hours and planned to catch up with her at the end date.

However a few hours later I get a panic phone call from her and a strange message from him.

His message leaves word that he needs to return to his boat in the early hours of the morning unexpectedly, therefore he does not want to keep the lady any longer, can he pay less? Of course I say no. He’s paying her time and company and the contract was that she would stay the full time. She seem to still want to stay, so he has to pay irrelevant of how long they actually stay together.

Leaving or arriving?

Leaving or arriving?

However the girl tells a different story. It seems that after a few hours of play and chat this particular gentleman wants to have sex without a condom. This is completely against the rules – if there are any rules of course – none of the ladies I work with will have unprotected sex. I would not expect them to. In fact I would be horrified if they did and I have sacked girls who have done exactly this when I found out.

In this business safe practice is essential and as you can imagine all of our professional escorts are totally conscious of sexual health. Far more so than the general public. So it is always protected sex. That is about her protection and his.

It always amazes me how gentlemen can want unprotected sex with a girl who has probably had more sex in the last week than he has had in the last year. Even though I know they are safe, surely he would be taking the risk, however small. So protected sex at all times ladies and gentlemen!

So, having been rejected by my lady the client persisted. He actually persisted quite strongly and verbally violently. Of course he wasn’t going to get what he wanted so he made some excuse about having to leave early and called me wanting a refund.

This was not going to happen. So I suggested to him that if he had to leave now he should do so and we part as friends.

He insisted that he was going to call the police as his mother  – yes his mother’s – party is in local government. I suggested that he called the police straight away as I have a very good working relationship with them. Prostitution is completely legal here in Spain and the police are always happy to accommodate and protect young ladies. So I told him “Please, go right ahead”.

I also told him that I’d be very happy to talk to his mother. I didn’t think he quite got my full meaning.

Playing nicely

Playing nicely

But fortunately for all concerned he backs down. I had the hotel number on speed dial and was just about to ask reception to run up and knock on the door when the beautiful lady in question told me she was outside and that she was fine. She and I talked later and no damage done.

But this particular client is now blacklisted and I have told all of my escort ladies who work with other agencies and independently. So the choice is there. This is the kind of industry where it’s important to share this kind of information. So having recently had a couple of incidents I feel confident (or maybe not) that I can go forward with the rest of the summer pretty much without incident .

I will have to wait and see but everybody now has a big smile back on their face and is looking forward to the next instalment of my funny stories. So that’s the important thing don’t you think?

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun