Checking Your Phone During Sex…

 

I am fairly broad-minded. There are few things I haven’t done. Managing the best escorts in Marbella and having worked with the finest London escorts there are even fewer that I haven’t organised. And I don’t think there is anything that I haven’t been asked for, except necrophilia – though I did once have an enquiry from a man who wanted a girl to play dead. With his personality it was probably what he was used to from his previous partners…

But even I was shocked to discover a sex act that is so disgusting, that shows such little respect for the other human being(s) that you are with that it is staggering in its depravity. Checking out your phone notifications during sex.

Seriously, WTF people?

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And then she checked her Twitter feed…

A friend sent me the link to this Huffington Post video which is OK but did at least get me thinking. Surely that isn’t actually a thing? Well it seems that I am officially old. I checked it out with a selection of my friends both in and out of the adult industries. I thought maybe women might be more prone than men because, you know, cliches. Or professionals than amateurs because they are checking out for business.Or people in long term relationships rather than the first throes of passion because actually Twitter might be more stimulating!

And it seems that it is an age thing, not a profession thing. Amateur friends were no more or less likely to do or experience this than some stunning Ibiza escort. But while all my younger high class escort colleagues and friends immediately understood what I was asking and thought it was no big thing, my older civilian friends and mature London escorts had the same reaction I did.

For me, if the sex is so dull that you are able to check your phone, then there is something seriously wrong. And if you are paying for a woman’s time and attention and still check your phone then surely you aren’t getting value? Well, it seems I am officially an old fart.

But I am still right, and it is still wrong. So just stop it. OK?

Kisses,

Bella x

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Escort girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Escorts who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

Taste The Bush

Hard to imagine why an advert that invites you to “taste the bush” might generate complaints in the UK.

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Typically subtle Australian advertising

Just read this in Huffington Post and it made me cringe and smile. Not at the same time, that would have made me look like I was having a stroke.

Australian wine company Premier Estates decided to push their brand with an advert and social media campaign that was pretty much certain to generate some controversy. Heaven forbid what they might have chosen to do so as a way of getting a lot more bang for their buck. Why pay for advertising when you can get the UK´s Advertising Standards Authority and the media (and me) to do it for you?

The ASA received eight complaints and then climbed on their high horse and pontificated with their ruling against Premier Estates.

They said that most people watching the ad would interpret “taste the bush” “to be a reference to oral sex, particularly given that it was accompanied with the image of the wine glass positioned directly in front of the woman’s crotch.”They said that because of that “the ad presented the woman in a degrading manner,”.

They also ruled that people would understand the hashtag #TasteTheBush to be a double entendre that could refer to Australian wine or female genitalia. Surely not?

I asked my escorts in Marbella and my friends who are Ibiza escorts and they just laughed at how pompous we British can be sometimes. They were also amazed that eight people complaining can mean that the rest of the British people are not allowed to see something…except via social media, the newspapers…

Personally I think it is the great tradition of subtle Australian advertising as shown in the Holeproof “No Knickers” campaign…

And I shall be seeking out the fine but reasonably priced Premier Estates wines at the first opportunity.

Kisses

Ione x

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Dildo selfie stick…just because…

A friend (now former friend!) sent me this video. Which is, of course, fabulous.Who hasn´t wanted to capture their orgasm face by using an extendable pointy stick and their mobile phone? What a totally awesome idea. (For those with an irony bypass I´m joking)

Incidentally, my former friend suggested that photos taken with the implement would be fantastic to use for my Marbella escorts website or for my friends who work with escorts in Ibiza and mature escort in London.

I have to admit that after I´d laughed my head off for a minute or so I did actually give it a second´s thought. Maybe not a full second because, eww. Even if it brought in business. just eww.

The link from the YouTube channel takes you through to a website that asks

Is the Dildo Selfie Stick real? No.

Is it a stupid idea? Yes.

IT’S TIME FOR US TO STOP SHARING

EVERY DETAIL OF OUR LIVES.

Oh I could not agree more! It is a fantastic sentiment that I totally endorse. So, will people please stop WhatsApping me with dick pics? I have seen one before. In fact I have looked them in the eye more than once and I promise you that if you´re sending me a photo of your one eyed monk it´s not going to impress either me or my girlfriends in Marbella.

And all the instragram accounts with photos of cups of coffee. Really? Let alone reality TV and all the morons who think its anything to do with reality. Whew that feels better. Thanks for listening and indulging me.

The video has great production values, is well acted and has received way over 1.5 million hits on YouTube. Given that it´s basically a promo video for Michael Krivicka (Twitter @thebaldguy ) who writes and produces viral videos, you have to take your hat off to him. Mission accomplished I´d say.

I´m feeling inspired to dive into my YouTube channel now and I´m advising all my friends including Ally´s Angels in Ibiza to do the same

Kisses
Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun
escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Girls who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

“Nice” beats “Playboy model” ?

Men who are spending money to pay for the company of a beautiful escort in Marbella do not have the tastes you would think. They would rather pay to meet a girl who is “nice and friendly” than one who has been a “Playboy model”.

We have been doing a little testing together with some of the Directory sites that we work with and also our friends who run the best escort service in Ibiza. The results are not what you would expect.

Being of a scientific bent (you´d never think it but I´m a geek at heart and by training) I wanted to test our assumptions about what would pull the most inquiries. So we took the same girl and tested different combinations of photos and text and recorded the number of inquiries and bookings. The results were very clear and not what we expected. The short version:

Nasty selfies don’t pull. But neither do over-perfect and shiny photos. Professional but not too artificial works best.

sienna miller is too beautiful to be an escort

Vogue models are far too perfect to be escorts

A write-up that is too full of “sexy” references and is over the top turns clients off.

The language men like when they are looking for company and the language agencies normally use is totally different. Girls like to use phrases like “glamorous”, “gorgeous”. What men respond to is “nice” “friendly” “kind” “approachable”.

Even real and factual references that you would think would be attractive are not as good as being “friendly”. So one of our ladies who has recently been a Playboy centrefold gets more inquiries when we advertise her as “friendly and nice” and use decent professional photos than when we use her Playboy photos and mention that in her biography.

The same is true of ladies who are Vogue models and porn stars. Wow.

Don’t get me wrong, when a gentleman wants to meet a Playboy model or a pornstar they really want to meet them! But most men prefer to meet a far sexier version of the girl next door. And when we are dealing with elite clients with elite expectations then the rules are different.

But for most clients, maybe the girl next door that they couldn’t have. Is it that men still find beauty and overt sexiness intimidating even when the girl they are with is (in the words of Pretty Woman) “a sure thing”? Does too great a disparity between a beautiful escort and the client make the financial nature of the date too obvious?

If you’re a 5 and you find yourself with a 10 in your arms does it ruin the fantasy?

Whatever the reason, we will be looking at our approach a little over the next few months and so will our friends with the sexiest escorts in Ibiza. Maybe we should re brand as the having the nicest and friendliest girls instead?

Kisses

Ione x

The Adult Industry Leads The Way

I have been saying for a long time that people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the adult industry. Rather than being seedy and filled with neanderthal perverts, it is a huge and technologically advanced sector.

This article from Business Insider gives a great analysis of how the porn and adult industry has led (and still leads) the way in everything from driving bandwidth requirements to payment gateways, subscription services and on-demand services and even interactivity in ways I am not even going to try and describe.

There is even an argument that the internet as we know it today wouldn´t exist without porn. I am quite sure that Google wouldn´t be the global force it is today without it´s effectiveness in handling searches like “sexy blonde dwarf” and “hot escorts Marbella“. Yet Google glass has recently banned porn and Google adwords will not publicise escort services. Despite the fact that escorts in Marbella or escorts in Ibiza are perfectly legal and not governed by the same insane laws and morality that apply to the US.

Porn alone is estimated as a $97 billion sector each year, before the rest of the adult industry is factored in.

SEO in escort services and porn is far more competitive than it is in most sectors. To get an escort site highly ranked in the right city is extremely hard, especially in one of the major markets. Getting a porn site to rank highly must be a ferociously hard task. For one of my sites for Marbella escorts to achieve a decent ranking took nearly four months of solid site and back-link building, and more than 15,000 backlinks of the right kind. Our friends marketing Ibiza escorts have a similar experience.

Building a highly ranked site for local real estate or flower delivery is much less competitive and simpler.

So, next time you type and click, before you feast your eyes and anything else, reflect for a moment on the hard work and tech savvy that made your viewing delight possible!

Kisses

Ione x

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