Taste The Bush

Hard to imagine why an advert that invites you to “taste the bush” might generate complaints in the UK.

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Typically subtle Australian advertising

Just read this in Huffington Post and it made me cringe and smile. Not at the same time, that would have made me look like I was having a stroke.

Australian wine company Premier Estates decided to push their brand with an advert and social media campaign that was pretty much certain to generate some controversy. Heaven forbid what they might have chosen to do so as a way of getting a lot more bang for their buck. Why pay for advertising when you can get the UK´s Advertising Standards Authority and the media (and me) to do it for you?

The ASA received eight complaints and then climbed on their high horse and pontificated with their ruling against Premier Estates.

They said that most people watching the ad would interpret “taste the bush” “to be a reference to oral sex, particularly given that it was accompanied with the image of the wine glass positioned directly in front of the woman’s crotch.”They said that because of that “the ad presented the woman in a degrading manner,”.

They also ruled that people would understand the hashtag #TasteTheBush to be a double entendre that could refer to Australian wine or female genitalia. Surely not?

I asked my escorts in Marbella and my friends who are Ibiza escorts and they just laughed at how pompous we British can be sometimes. They were also amazed that eight people complaining can mean that the rest of the British people are not allowed to see something…except via social media, the newspapers…

Personally I think it is the great tradition of subtle Australian advertising as shown in the Holeproof “No Knickers” campaign…

And I shall be seeking out the fine but reasonably priced Premier Estates wines at the first opportunity.

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

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The Adult Industry Leads The Way

I have been saying for a long time that people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the adult industry. Rather than being seedy and filled with neanderthal perverts, it is a huge and technologically advanced sector.

This article from Business Insider gives a great analysis of how the porn and adult industry has led (and still leads) the way in everything from driving bandwidth requirements to payment gateways, subscription services and on-demand services and even interactivity in ways I am not even going to try and describe.

There is even an argument that the internet as we know it today wouldn´t exist without porn. I am quite sure that Google wouldn´t be the global force it is today without it´s effectiveness in handling searches like “sexy blonde dwarf” and “hot escorts Marbella“. Yet Google glass has recently banned porn and Google adwords will not publicise escort services. Despite the fact that escorts in Marbella or escorts in Ibiza are perfectly legal and not governed by the same insane laws and morality that apply to the US.

Porn alone is estimated as a $97 billion sector each year, before the rest of the adult industry is factored in.

SEO in escort services and porn is far more competitive than it is in most sectors. To get an escort site highly ranked in the right city is extremely hard, especially in one of the major markets. Getting a porn site to rank highly must be a ferociously hard task. For one of my sites for Marbella escorts to achieve a decent ranking took nearly four months of solid site and back-link building, and more than 15,000 backlinks of the right kind. Our friends marketing Ibiza escorts have a similar experience.

Building a highly ranked site for local real estate or flower delivery is much less competitive and simpler.

So, next time you type and click, before you feast your eyes and anything else, reflect for a moment on the hard work and tech savvy that made your viewing delight possible!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

escort marbella sexy hot body

British Girls Are Exotic (?)

Can you believe it? It seems that British girls have become exotic end something of a novelty.

The market seems to be flooded with girls from other nationalities. Not only eastern Europeans, but beautiful Italian and Spanish girls. Of course I also have Scandinavian girls, Russian girls and my lovely South Americans, But it does seem that as there are so few British girls of the right class working here, British seems exotic.

Monica bellucci boobs and beach

Lovely, but I want a bird from Bradford please…

I get requests from guys saying “do you have any English girls?”. Surprisingly this is often UK numbers, so British men abroad looking for British girls rather than a taste of something different. We British are a xenophobic lot in every way apparently! I would have thought that someone looking for a Marbella escort would want something more of a local flavour or perhaps something a little spicier or normally out of reach.

However this seems to not be the case. British boys want British girls! However getting British girls is slightly more challenging because they are much more difficult to find amongst the bevy of international beauty that is now working in this industry. I also have to say, and forgive me here ladies, that British girls who escort Marbella clients are usually more difficult to work with.

I don’t know if it’s our British attitudes to sex and the sex industry, but we Brits seem to be much more conservative in our view of the work and what´s necessary in doing the work. Or at least in setting ourselves up to work, anyway.

If a hot Italian flies in, she will immediately supply pictures and a list of services and availability and off we go. It´s like having Marbella escorts in a box…just add website! The same could be said of the spicy Brazilian or interesting Hungarians, all of whom send me everything I need to be up and running immediately: I can market them by WhatsApp even before I get them on the website, and out web team work 24/7!

Brits can be sexy too

Brits can be sexy too

However with a British girl who escorts Marbella clients it often involves two or three phone calls and a process of counselling before they appear on the books. Of course there are exceptions, but generally the British girls are more difficult to work with. They don´t have photos and often don´t understand why they would be needed (!), every service gets greeted with “it depends” and it is not unusual for them to specify the nationalities, age range and BMI of the men they will meet. Hey, they are independent so it´s their decision but it does make it more difficult when I have to choose between putting the client through a tough interview questionnaire, or just sending a red-hot chica and saving everyone time and heartache!

But there are times when it doesn’t matter that British girls are tricky to work with because I can charge a premium, they can make a little bit more money and the customer gets what he wants. And that is most important, that the client gets what he wants. If he has a hankering for British babes, I´m the woman to help him out, no matter how tricky the supplier may be.

Kelly brook leather jacket and sheer panties

Yeah, OK. British girls…

I don’t necessarily advertise that we are British owned and run but somehow the girls seem to find out.  And as working girls are as xenophobic as the next Brit and typically have only one language, unlike the other European ladies or ladies from all over the world that speak several languages, British girls like to stick to what we know and feel more comfortable talking to an English woman. So yes I am in the fortunate position that I do attract British working girls. I am also in the unfortunate position that I often have to train them to be professional…

So if you are away on holiday with the lads of a long weekend and just fancy something a little bit naughty but that still reminds you at home, someone you can have a conversation with if you choose to and someone that is kind of familiar, please get in contact. Because I’ve got access the perfect girl for you! I can’t say that I’ve got English Scottish and Welsh tottie lining up at my door, but I am more likely to have them other agencies. So come on down boys and book your British escort working in Spain!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

It’s Fun & Games Till Someone Gets Hurt

It’s all fun fun fun until someone gets hurt. And I have written recently about another event which caused problems and made me worried and I just had another. This is most unusual!

Most of the time it’s fun fun fun. I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. The girls enjoy the work and make some money and it’s lovely seeing happy satisfied customers getting exactly what they want; a cheeky thrill and a bit of a ride.

Beautiful women should be treated well

Beautiful women should be treated well

99% of all our bookings go off smoothly and without a hitch. Okay maybe not without a hitch, maybe with the wrong directions, the wrong hotel, the wrong outfits, the wrong price, but in the main it’s incredibly successful and everybody gets what they want.

So I am far from being negative. But as I say, just recently I had yet another problem. One of our beautiful escort girls turned up to see a gorgeous gentleman that she had met before for an overnight stay and as she arrived he paid her the money and all seemed good. So we said goodbye for a few hours and planned to catch up with her at the end date.

However a few hours later I get a panic phone call from her and a strange message from him.

His message leaves word that he needs to return to his boat in the early hours of the morning unexpectedly, therefore he does not want to keep the lady any longer, can he pay less? Of course I say no. He’s paying her time and company and the contract was that she would stay the full time. She seem to still want to stay, so he has to pay irrelevant of how long they actually stay together.

Leaving or arriving?

Leaving or arriving?

However the girl tells a different story. It seems that after a few hours of play and chat this particular gentleman wants to have sex without a condom. This is completely against the rules – if there are any rules of course – none of the ladies I work with will have unprotected sex. I would not expect them to. In fact I would be horrified if they did and I have sacked girls who have done exactly this when I found out.

In this business safe practice is essential and as you can imagine all of our professional escorts are totally conscious of sexual health. Far more so than the general public. So it is always protected sex. That is about her protection and his.

It always amazes me how gentlemen can want unprotected sex with a girl who has probably had more sex in the last week than he has had in the last year. Even though I know they are safe, surely he would be taking the risk, however small. So protected sex at all times ladies and gentlemen!

So, having been rejected by my lady the client persisted. He actually persisted quite strongly and verbally violently. Of course he wasn’t going to get what he wanted so he made some excuse about having to leave early and called me wanting a refund.

This was not going to happen. So I suggested to him that if he had to leave now he should do so and we part as friends.

He insisted that he was going to call the police as his mother  – yes his mother’s – party is in local government. I suggested that he called the police straight away as I have a very good working relationship with them. Prostitution is completely legal here in Spain and the police are always happy to accommodate and protect young ladies. So I told him “Please, go right ahead”.

I also told him that I’d be very happy to talk to his mother. I didn’t think he quite got my full meaning.

Playing nicely

Playing nicely

But fortunately for all concerned he backs down. I had the hotel number on speed dial and was just about to ask reception to run up and knock on the door when the beautiful lady in question told me she was outside and that she was fine. She and I talked later and no damage done.

But this particular client is now blacklisted and I have told all of my escort ladies who work with other agencies and independently. So the choice is there. This is the kind of industry where it’s important to share this kind of information. So having recently had a couple of incidents I feel confident (or maybe not) that I can go forward with the rest of the summer pretty much without incident .

I will have to wait and see but everybody now has a big smile back on their face and is looking forward to the next instalment of my funny stories. So that’s the important thing don’t you think?

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

We Are Having A Run On Louisas

Some days you just don’t have enough Louisas.

It’s really strange; you can not work with particular girl for days, weeks or even months, and then suddenly everybody you talk to wants to meet that particular lady. I don’t understand it. But sometimes you just get a run a particular beautiful girl.

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Barely enough time to change undies

All I do know is that you should look for when that particular lady is hot, and recognise that when she is hot she will sell all the time. And it’s best to maximise it when it happens. Especially as it doesn’t last. There will always be another flavour of the month. Being an escort in Marbella or pretty much anywhere else is like that.

The girls seem to understand this as well and the best are always chasing work. They want more work and are always requesting more work. But they generally understand that in the same way that they may sometimes be quiet for a period, they will be also have periods of being incredibly busy. So busy that there is just not enough time in the day or night to meet all the clients who want to see them.

I suppose it’s a bit like being an actress. Sometimes you’ll be resting and you don’t get a call for little while and you should just enjoy that time, because if you’re good then you will soon be back in high demand.

That’s the cycle Louisa has been through. She is a fabulously attractive woman, beautiful and striking, sexy and sensual. And also incredibly professional, sweet and friendly. But for a few weeks she hasn’t been that busy. Then all hell broke loose and she was suddenly the flavour of the month. Every other call was to arrange a date with her and the shortest of them was for three hours.

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A nice coffee before the next wave

And because she is so striking, tall and exotic it was also incredibly difficult to switch sell to others of our Marbella escorts. We very quickly reached the point where we had a waiting list to meet her! She made the same in two days as she had made the previous month and, bless her, was willing to work all the hours of the day and night because she knew that this was the time to “make hay”.

Other less professional girls might have protested about being too tired, or objected to being so busy, because they would have assumed that having started the purple patch would go on forever. But we and she knew that our “run on Louisas” must have an end point. And since we couldn’t clone her or manufacture a substitute, we just moved heaven and earth to take advantage of the opportunity.

So the moral of this is; recognise when you are and hot and take full advantage of it. Because it may not be that way tomorrow!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Date Rape for Professionals

As I said before I really like this industry. Perhaps it’s because (and this is ridiculous) it’s more honest than some of the other mainstream businesses I have been involved in.

The people I have met doing this work are generally speaking are much nicer and much more business-like than in a lot of other businesses. Also, this business can be a lot of fun. You have to be able to laugh at yourself and with others in order to keep yourself sane during the day.

However, before we get carried away, we must remember that this business also has its downsides. There are dangers and things that people forget when everybody is having a really good time. I wanted to discuss an incident that happened with one of my lovely ladies only last week.

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Sweet gentle and kind

Natalie is a beautiful Brazilian girl; sweet funny honest and kind. She  has long blonde hair and big, big brown eyes. At only 22 she is one the younger ladies that I work with, however I have worked with her for the last two years we’ve had a lot of fun together, we’ve both made some money and we’ve been safe and business-like in every regard. Natalie is a total professional. She works with other agencies not just here with me but in other parts of the country. For someone so young she is very experienced and knows exactly how it works. She is not stupid or naïve, but she is trusting and, as I said, kind and sweet.

Last week Natalie got a call to see a gentleman in a private villa in Estepona, not far from here. The call was to see one of the gentlemen staying in the house, but it was explained and agreed that his friend would be present in a different room.

This gentleman was not sure of the service he wanted. As I explained, he paid for Natalie’s time and company so the price of the hour is the price; whatever takes place is between the two of them. Sitting and chatting or having a massage or anything else is the same fee. That is the same with all of our Marbella escorts.

Eventually a time was agreed and Natalie set off with our driver to meet this particular individual. So far so good, it was just a normal call on a normal day. It was very early in the morning but there is nothing unusual in that.

As she arrived at villa I reminded Natalie that she must tell me that she is safe and happy before the appointment commenced. She said okay and went into the call just as every other morning. At this point I do not have any suspicions at all, it was just a normal day. So I waited for the all clear signal.

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She really is gorgeous.

I usually allow my escorts in Marbella ten minutes to let me know everything is okay before I start to panic. Obviously she needs to get into the apartment, house or hotel, meet the gentlemen in question, say hello and take care of business matters.

However after five minutes I had Natalie on the phone to me. The gentlemen wanted a cheaper price for the call. He was saying that all he needed was a massage and therefore the price should be cheaper. This is not the case! As I said, the price is the price for the call, whatever happens. So after a little time, explanation and renegotiation everybody seemed happy and the booking about to commence.

However I still needed Natalie to tell me all clear and she hadn’t. So I waited a little longer and a little longer, while updating our driver who had noticed a couple of things he wasn’t happy with and was sat 25 metres away from the villa.

Still it was all quiet too quiet, so after two or three additional minutes, which seemed like 10 or 25 more while I was waiting, I called Natalie again. She answered the phone and was almost incoherent. She couldn’t speak at all. As soon as I heard her I sent a WhatsApp to the driver to rush to find out exactly what was happening.

On arrival (about 10 seconds after my message!) he found Natalie sitting on the front doorstep, safe but very incoherent and looking very, very pale and grey. The client was apparently trying to help. He said that she had become unwell and that the call would have to end, could we provide an alternative escort?

Not the scene my driver found

Not the scene my driver found

In the middle of this, his friend appeared; a bodybuilder type dressed in a vest and designer sweatpants. The look he gave his friend set my driver’s radar off like a klaxon! There was some discussion with the driver about what happened, whether she should stay, and getting an alternative escort girl from Marbella. Our driver played it very low-key and diplomatically while carefully keeping his eyes and ears open and making sure there was a clean exit route for Natalie if anything escalated.

In the midst of this Natalie quietly told the driver that she was sure she had been drugged. And from the way she said it, it was pretty obvious that she had.

So the driver agreed to leave straight away, put her in the car (practically carrying her while keeping a close eye on the two now former clients) and took her home.

They called me, so I answered to apologise and say that I would get a replacement lady to visit them as soon as possible and what was the service they required. However they were most unhappy as they said that Natalie was accusing them of drugging her.

Obviously I played it cool; there is no point in aggravating an already upset customer. However I trust Natalie having worked with her two years with no problems at all. If she feels that she’s been drugged I am totally on her side. Especially as in the middle of the call with the client I get a WhatsApp from the driver telling me that he was sure she had been slipped sleeping pills and that the guys were not to be trusted at all.

And yes, he can tell the difference between the effects of sleeping pills and a hypnotic sedative like Rohypnol. Our staff is rather well trained…

jason statham as transporter with girl hostage over his shoulders from The Transporter

A little like this. But without the tape, thank God.

Later in the day when she recovered and had ten hours uninterrupted sleep, I discussed with her what actually happened in the house.

It seems that once they had paid her the agreed money, both men went into the kitchen. She could hear them whispering and they came out of the kitchen with a large bottle of water which they insisted she drank. She is experienced enough not to drink from anything unless it is sealed, but they were very insistent. So she had a small sip to be polite. But they said that it was going to be a hot day and perhaps she should have a little more.

She took a few more sips of water just to please them and then went to stand. This is when it went very wrong. She found that her legs buckled beneath her, that she was dizzy and felt sick. Fortunately this is when she received my call and she had her mobile phone in her hand, so she was able to talk to me.

Of course I can never prove anything. These gentlemen may just have been nice guys with an unfortunately creepy and aggressive manner and she may just have been unwell. Instant onset food poisoning perhaps?

But the driver had been with Natalie most of the previous evening and she had been totally well. So it seems unlikely to me that a fit and healthy girl entering the call should be so sick when leaving the call ten minutes later.

Now I am not pointing fingers because that would be wrong. I have no proof. I do not know what went on in the house.

However, I trust Natalie and I would always err on the side of caution, removing a lady potentially threatening situation as soon as possible. Who knows what happened? I am pleased to say that in this case all is well that ends well.

But it does emphasise that this job is not totally safe. It’s not without its dangers and everybody should remain vigilant and cautious at all times. I do endeavour to take good care of all my escort ladies at all times and I’ll be honest with you, if I had to choose between the gentleman’s version of things and girl’s version of the situation I would back the girl every time!

david gandy looking sultry

Not the average client

I get to know these professional escort girls really well and work with them for a long time, so it would be unlikely after two years of working together that she should give me a totally bogus read on the situation. Especially when a rather seasoned professional driver has exactly the same view.

And that is why we are so paranoid and careful about security and protecting our girls in Marbella. I haven’t and won’t tell you exactly what the security measures are for obvious reasons. But they are there just in case.

Fortunately on this occasion all is well that ends well. In this particular case Natalie was back working in the afternoon with her sunny smile back in place being a total professional.

Kisses

Ione x british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Behind The Scenes

I know you are nervous and that you are worried about discretion. I understand all of this and will do what I can to help ease your mind and offer a professional service. However, once you make the call to us and request a Marbella escort, all sorts of things happen behind the scenes to ensure that she is delivered to you fresh and hot like a delivery pizza! So if in doubt please don’t book, especially late at night when everyone is running round and feeling the pressure!

escort arriving at clients door wearing lingerie and a coat

Your present has arrived

If you do book, stuff happens behind the scenes that you would normally never know about.

The escort girl of your choice has to be contacted, sometimes woken up or harried from a nightclub or bar. She has to agree to the booking and so needs all of the information before she says yes. This may involve a change of outfit, special equipment or other specialist services that need to be prepared for.

She may be in entirely the wrong location and need to travel to reach you. A driver might be dispatched to fetch her for you. All of this needs to be done at high speed and accurately to make sure that everyone remains safe and happy! So, for example, the driver may well be rolling to get her before the booking is confirmed in order to save time. It just part of the business.

Most bookings happen within a hour from actual booking to the beautiful escort of your choice arriving at your door. Some of course are much faster and some are booked days in advance!

Of course the only booking that is important is yours, but spare a thought for the girl who answers the phone at 2 in the morning and has 6 or 7 other enquires to deal with all wanting sex now!

Kisses

Ione x