escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Escort girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Escorts who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

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Taste The Bush

Hard to imagine why an advert that invites you to “taste the bush” might generate complaints in the UK.

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Typically subtle Australian advertising

Just read this in Huffington Post and it made me cringe and smile. Not at the same time, that would have made me look like I was having a stroke.

Australian wine company Premier Estates decided to push their brand with an advert and social media campaign that was pretty much certain to generate some controversy. Heaven forbid what they might have chosen to do so as a way of getting a lot more bang for their buck. Why pay for advertising when you can get the UK´s Advertising Standards Authority and the media (and me) to do it for you?

The ASA received eight complaints and then climbed on their high horse and pontificated with their ruling against Premier Estates.

They said that most people watching the ad would interpret “taste the bush” “to be a reference to oral sex, particularly given that it was accompanied with the image of the wine glass positioned directly in front of the woman’s crotch.”They said that because of that “the ad presented the woman in a degrading manner,”.

They also ruled that people would understand the hashtag #TasteTheBush to be a double entendre that could refer to Australian wine or female genitalia. Surely not?

I asked my escorts in Marbella and my friends who are Ibiza escorts and they just laughed at how pompous we British can be sometimes. They were also amazed that eight people complaining can mean that the rest of the British people are not allowed to see something…except via social media, the newspapers…

Personally I think it is the great tradition of subtle Australian advertising as shown in the Holeproof “No Knickers” campaign…

And I shall be seeking out the fine but reasonably priced Premier Estates wines at the first opportunity.

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Dildo selfie stick…just because…

A friend (now former friend!) sent me this video. Which is, of course, fabulous.Who hasn´t wanted to capture their orgasm face by using an extendable pointy stick and their mobile phone? What a totally awesome idea. (For those with an irony bypass I´m joking)

Incidentally, my former friend suggested that photos taken with the implement would be fantastic to use for my Marbella escorts website or for my friends who work with escorts in Ibiza and mature escort in London.

I have to admit that after I´d laughed my head off for a minute or so I did actually give it a second´s thought. Maybe not a full second because, eww. Even if it brought in business. just eww.

The link from the YouTube channel takes you through to a website that asks

Is the Dildo Selfie Stick real? No.

Is it a stupid idea? Yes.

IT’S TIME FOR US TO STOP SHARING

EVERY DETAIL OF OUR LIVES.

Oh I could not agree more! It is a fantastic sentiment that I totally endorse. So, will people please stop WhatsApping me with dick pics? I have seen one before. In fact I have looked them in the eye more than once and I promise you that if you´re sending me a photo of your one eyed monk it´s not going to impress either me or my girlfriends in Marbella.

And all the instragram accounts with photos of cups of coffee. Really? Let alone reality TV and all the morons who think its anything to do with reality. Whew that feels better. Thanks for listening and indulging me.

The video has great production values, is well acted and has received way over 1.5 million hits on YouTube. Given that it´s basically a promo video for Michael Krivicka (Twitter @thebaldguy ) who writes and produces viral videos, you have to take your hat off to him. Mission accomplished I´d say.

I´m feeling inspired to dive into my YouTube channel now and I´m advising all my friends including Ally´s Angels in Ibiza to do the same

Kisses
Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun
escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Girls who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

escort marbella sexy hot body

British Girls Are Exotic (?)

Can you believe it? It seems that British girls have become exotic end something of a novelty.

The market seems to be flooded with girls from other nationalities. Not only eastern Europeans, but beautiful Italian and Spanish girls. Of course I also have Scandinavian girls, Russian girls and my lovely South Americans, But it does seem that as there are so few British girls of the right class working here, British seems exotic.

Monica bellucci boobs and beach

Lovely, but I want a bird from Bradford please…

I get requests from guys saying “do you have any English girls?”. Surprisingly this is often UK numbers, so British men abroad looking for British girls rather than a taste of something different. We British are a xenophobic lot in every way apparently! I would have thought that someone looking for a Marbella escort would want something more of a local flavour or perhaps something a little spicier or normally out of reach.

However this seems to not be the case. British boys want British girls! However getting British girls is slightly more challenging because they are much more difficult to find amongst the bevy of international beauty that is now working in this industry. I also have to say, and forgive me here ladies, that British girls who escort Marbella clients are usually more difficult to work with.

I don’t know if it’s our British attitudes to sex and the sex industry, but we Brits seem to be much more conservative in our view of the work and what´s necessary in doing the work. Or at least in setting ourselves up to work, anyway.

If a hot Italian flies in, she will immediately supply pictures and a list of services and availability and off we go. It´s like having Marbella escorts in a box…just add website! The same could be said of the spicy Brazilian or interesting Hungarians, all of whom send me everything I need to be up and running immediately: I can market them by WhatsApp even before I get them on the website, and out web team work 24/7!

Brits can be sexy too

Brits can be sexy too

However with a British girl who escorts Marbella clients it often involves two or three phone calls and a process of counselling before they appear on the books. Of course there are exceptions, but generally the British girls are more difficult to work with. They don´t have photos and often don´t understand why they would be needed (!), every service gets greeted with “it depends” and it is not unusual for them to specify the nationalities, age range and BMI of the men they will meet. Hey, they are independent so it´s their decision but it does make it more difficult when I have to choose between putting the client through a tough interview questionnaire, or just sending a red-hot chica and saving everyone time and heartache!

But there are times when it doesn’t matter that British girls are tricky to work with because I can charge a premium, they can make a little bit more money and the customer gets what he wants. And that is most important, that the client gets what he wants. If he has a hankering for British babes, I´m the woman to help him out, no matter how tricky the supplier may be.

Kelly brook leather jacket and sheer panties

Yeah, OK. British girls…

I don’t necessarily advertise that we are British owned and run but somehow the girls seem to find out.  And as working girls are as xenophobic as the next Brit and typically have only one language, unlike the other European ladies or ladies from all over the world that speak several languages, British girls like to stick to what we know and feel more comfortable talking to an English woman. So yes I am in the fortunate position that I do attract British working girls. I am also in the unfortunate position that I often have to train them to be professional…

So if you are away on holiday with the lads of a long weekend and just fancy something a little bit naughty but that still reminds you at home, someone you can have a conversation with if you choose to and someone that is kind of familiar, please get in contact. Because I’ve got access the perfect girl for you! I can’t say that I’ve got English Scottish and Welsh tottie lining up at my door, but I am more likely to have them other agencies. So come on down boys and book your British escort working in Spain!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

It’s Fun & Games Till Someone Gets Hurt

It’s all fun fun fun until someone gets hurt. And I have written recently about another event which caused problems and made me worried and I just had another. This is most unusual!

Most of the time it’s fun fun fun. I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. The girls enjoy the work and make some money and it’s lovely seeing happy satisfied customers getting exactly what they want; a cheeky thrill and a bit of a ride.

Beautiful women should be treated well

Beautiful women should be treated well

99% of all our bookings go off smoothly and without a hitch. Okay maybe not without a hitch, maybe with the wrong directions, the wrong hotel, the wrong outfits, the wrong price, but in the main it’s incredibly successful and everybody gets what they want.

So I am far from being negative. But as I say, just recently I had yet another problem. One of our beautiful escort girls turned up to see a gorgeous gentleman that she had met before for an overnight stay and as she arrived he paid her the money and all seemed good. So we said goodbye for a few hours and planned to catch up with her at the end date.

However a few hours later I get a panic phone call from her and a strange message from him.

His message leaves word that he needs to return to his boat in the early hours of the morning unexpectedly, therefore he does not want to keep the lady any longer, can he pay less? Of course I say no. He’s paying her time and company and the contract was that she would stay the full time. She seem to still want to stay, so he has to pay irrelevant of how long they actually stay together.

Leaving or arriving?

Leaving or arriving?

However the girl tells a different story. It seems that after a few hours of play and chat this particular gentleman wants to have sex without a condom. This is completely against the rules – if there are any rules of course – none of the ladies I work with will have unprotected sex. I would not expect them to. In fact I would be horrified if they did and I have sacked girls who have done exactly this when I found out.

In this business safe practice is essential and as you can imagine all of our professional escorts are totally conscious of sexual health. Far more so than the general public. So it is always protected sex. That is about her protection and his.

It always amazes me how gentlemen can want unprotected sex with a girl who has probably had more sex in the last week than he has had in the last year. Even though I know they are safe, surely he would be taking the risk, however small. So protected sex at all times ladies and gentlemen!

So, having been rejected by my lady the client persisted. He actually persisted quite strongly and verbally violently. Of course he wasn’t going to get what he wanted so he made some excuse about having to leave early and called me wanting a refund.

This was not going to happen. So I suggested to him that if he had to leave now he should do so and we part as friends.

He insisted that he was going to call the police as his mother  – yes his mother’s – party is in local government. I suggested that he called the police straight away as I have a very good working relationship with them. Prostitution is completely legal here in Spain and the police are always happy to accommodate and protect young ladies. So I told him “Please, go right ahead”.

I also told him that I’d be very happy to talk to his mother. I didn’t think he quite got my full meaning.

Playing nicely

Playing nicely

But fortunately for all concerned he backs down. I had the hotel number on speed dial and was just about to ask reception to run up and knock on the door when the beautiful lady in question told me she was outside and that she was fine. She and I talked later and no damage done.

But this particular client is now blacklisted and I have told all of my escort ladies who work with other agencies and independently. So the choice is there. This is the kind of industry where it’s important to share this kind of information. So having recently had a couple of incidents I feel confident (or maybe not) that I can go forward with the rest of the summer pretty much without incident .

I will have to wait and see but everybody now has a big smile back on their face and is looking forward to the next instalment of my funny stories. So that’s the important thing don’t you think?

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

We Are Having A Run On Louisas

Some days you just don’t have enough Louisas.

It’s really strange; you can not work with particular girl for days, weeks or even months, and then suddenly everybody you talk to wants to meet that particular lady. I don’t understand it. But sometimes you just get a run a particular beautiful girl.

sexy legs in high heels and stiockings

Barely enough time to change undies

All I do know is that you should look for when that particular lady is hot, and recognise that when she is hot she will sell all the time. And it’s best to maximise it when it happens. Especially as it doesn’t last. There will always be another flavour of the month. Being an escort in Marbella or pretty much anywhere else is like that.

The girls seem to understand this as well and the best are always chasing work. They want more work and are always requesting more work. But they generally understand that in the same way that they may sometimes be quiet for a period, they will be also have periods of being incredibly busy. So busy that there is just not enough time in the day or night to meet all the clients who want to see them.

I suppose it’s a bit like being an actress. Sometimes you’ll be resting and you don’t get a call for little while and you should just enjoy that time, because if you’re good then you will soon be back in high demand.

That’s the cycle Louisa has been through. She is a fabulously attractive woman, beautiful and striking, sexy and sensual. And also incredibly professional, sweet and friendly. But for a few weeks she hasn’t been that busy. Then all hell broke loose and she was suddenly the flavour of the month. Every other call was to arrange a date with her and the shortest of them was for three hours.

stockings_crossed_legs_coffee

A nice coffee before the next wave

And because she is so striking, tall and exotic it was also incredibly difficult to switch sell to others of our Marbella escorts. We very quickly reached the point where we had a waiting list to meet her! She made the same in two days as she had made the previous month and, bless her, was willing to work all the hours of the day and night because she knew that this was the time to “make hay”.

Other less professional girls might have protested about being too tired, or objected to being so busy, because they would have assumed that having started the purple patch would go on forever. But we and she knew that our “run on Louisas” must have an end point. And since we couldn’t clone her or manufacture a substitute, we just moved heaven and earth to take advantage of the opportunity.

So the moral of this is; recognise when you are and hot and take full advantage of it. Because it may not be that way tomorrow!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun