Being A Part Time Hooker

I don’t know whether you are one of those individuals who invests a great deal of energy in personal yachts around the Mediterranean. Furthermore, by personal yachts I don’t mean the kind of thing that a decent white collar class family will cruise from island to island with several compartments. I am discussing super yachts. The thoughtful that have helicopters on the back deck and a twelve meter engine dispatch as the lighter to take the visitors aground. Well they were not my regular habitat either until I turned into an expert high class escort. Presently I spend an extremely vast measure of time on them amid the late spring each year and I know the schedules and methods for the super yachts that pursue the milk go around the extravagance hot spots of Europe. What’s more, by goodness I know the methods for the men (and ladies) who claim them and possess them.

tumblr_lzssoz1wXy1qgv4hso1_500 - CopyI am somewhat uncommon as an escort in that I don’t work throughout the entire year. I will invest some energy in the Alps with customers amid the winter, skiing, wearing tight ski pants and ski coats with hide trim by day and exquisite warm sweaters by night. Not awful to be paid for what I improve the situation a side interest in any case! Be that as it may, other than that, I just work as one of the most elevated class escorts Las Palmas de Gran Canaria can supply to vigorous men of their word amid the late spring months. What’s more, my customers are just the incredibly affluent noble men – and periodic ladies – who either possess the yachts or are respected visitors on the super yacht scene. That implies I invest a great deal of energy in Mallorca, Ibiza, Cannes and Nice, Monaco and Sardinia. Furthermore, I get generously compensated to do it. What misfortune.

The sort of individuals that you envision being on those yachts and going to the gatherings is practically precisely right. Tycoons, supermodels, speculative stock investments financial specialists, some motion picture stars and VIPs yet not the same number of as you may think. Most come up short on the social graces to make it in this world, in spite of the fact that magnificence will dependably get you through generally entryways.

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How To Be A Part-Time Call Girl

I don’t know whether you are one of those individuals who invests a ton of energy in personal yachts around the Mediterranean. Also, by personal yachts I don’t mean the kind of thing that a decent white collar class family will cruise from island to island with two or three compartments. I am discussing super yachts. The benevolent that have helicopters on the back deck and a twelve meter engine dispatch as the lighter to take the visitors shorewards. Well they were not my indigenous habitat either until I turned into an expert high class escort. Presently I spend a lot of time on them amid the late spring each year and I know the schedules and methods for the super yachts that pursue the milk go around the extravagance hotspots of Europe. What’s more, by goodness I know the methods for the men (and ladies) who possess them and occupy them.

rear view escort girl maria nude with suntanI am somewhat abnormal as an escort in that I don’t work throughout the entire year. I will invest some energy in the Alps with customers amid the winter, skiing, wearing tight ski pants and ski coats with hide trim by day and dazzling warm sweaters by night. Not awful to be paid for what I improve the situation a side interest in any case! In any case, other than that, I just work as one of the most astounding class escorts Ibiza can supply to hearty noble men amid the mid year months. What’s more, my customers are just the incredibly well off courteous fellows – and intermittent ladies – who either claim the yachts or are regarded visitors on the super yacht scene. That implies I invest a great deal of energy in Mallorca, Ibiza, Cannes and Nice, Monaco and Sardinia. What’s more, I get generously compensated to do it. What misfortune.

The sort of individuals that you envision being on those yachts and going to the gatherings is basically precisely right. Very rich people, supermodels, fence investments speculators, some film stars and VIPs however not the same number of as you may think. Most come up short on the social graces to make it in this world, in spite of the fact that excellence will dependably get you through generally entryways.

escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Escort girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Escorts who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

Taste The Bush

Hard to imagine why an advert that invites you to “taste the bush” might generate complaints in the UK.

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Typically subtle Australian advertising

Just read this in Huffington Post and it made me cringe and smile. Not at the same time, that would have made me look like I was having a stroke.

Australian wine company Premier Estates decided to push their brand with an advert and social media campaign that was pretty much certain to generate some controversy. Heaven forbid what they might have chosen to do so as a way of getting a lot more bang for their buck. Why pay for advertising when you can get the UK´s Advertising Standards Authority and the media (and me) to do it for you?

The ASA received eight complaints and then climbed on their high horse and pontificated with their ruling against Premier Estates.

They said that most people watching the ad would interpret “taste the bush” “to be a reference to oral sex, particularly given that it was accompanied with the image of the wine glass positioned directly in front of the woman’s crotch.”They said that because of that “the ad presented the woman in a degrading manner,”.

They also ruled that people would understand the hashtag #TasteTheBush to be a double entendre that could refer to Australian wine or female genitalia. Surely not?

I asked my escorts in Marbella and my friends who are Ibiza escorts and they just laughed at how pompous we British can be sometimes. They were also amazed that eight people complaining can mean that the rest of the British people are not allowed to see something…except via social media, the newspapers…

Personally I think it is the great tradition of subtle Australian advertising as shown in the Holeproof “No Knickers” campaign…

And I shall be seeking out the fine but reasonably priced Premier Estates wines at the first opportunity.

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun

Dildo selfie stick…just because…

A friend (now former friend!) sent me this video. Which is, of course, fabulous.Who hasn´t wanted to capture their orgasm face by using an extendable pointy stick and their mobile phone? What a totally awesome idea. (For those with an irony bypass I´m joking)

Incidentally, my former friend suggested that photos taken with the implement would be fantastic to use for my Marbella escorts website or for my friends who work with escorts in Ibiza and mature escort in London.

I have to admit that after I´d laughed my head off for a minute or so I did actually give it a second´s thought. Maybe not a full second because, eww. Even if it brought in business. just eww.

The link from the YouTube channel takes you through to a website that asks

Is the Dildo Selfie Stick real? No.

Is it a stupid idea? Yes.

IT’S TIME FOR US TO STOP SHARING

EVERY DETAIL OF OUR LIVES.

Oh I could not agree more! It is a fantastic sentiment that I totally endorse. So, will people please stop WhatsApping me with dick pics? I have seen one before. In fact I have looked them in the eye more than once and I promise you that if you´re sending me a photo of your one eyed monk it´s not going to impress either me or my girlfriends in Marbella.

And all the instragram accounts with photos of cups of coffee. Really? Let alone reality TV and all the morons who think its anything to do with reality. Whew that feels better. Thanks for listening and indulging me.

The video has great production values, is well acted and has received way over 1.5 million hits on YouTube. Given that it´s basically a promo video for Michael Krivicka (Twitter @thebaldguy ) who writes and produces viral videos, you have to take your hat off to him. Mission accomplished I´d say.

I´m feeling inspired to dive into my YouTube channel now and I´m advising all my friends including Ally´s Angels in Ibiza to do the same

Kisses
Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun
escort Ibiza sexy body

Ray Donovan

It being the low season I had the chance to do some serious binge watching of the TV over the weekend. And one of my favourite shows is Ray Donovan. I love it beyond words!

RAY DONOVAN

Ray Donovan cleaning up yet another mess.

For those of you who have never seen it, the programme revolves around the eponymous character (hero?), played by Liev Schreiber who is a fixer for the rich and shameless in Los Angeles. He´s a thug with a brain who is a long way from his roots in South Boston. But it seems he can´t get away from them.

The other main characters in the show are Ray´s family; wife and children, brothers and his father Mickey, played awesomely by Jon Voight. To describe everyone and everything in the show as dysfunctional would do the word a disservice. Child abuse by catholic priests, murder, sex, prostitution, extortion, violence, sexual assault, prejudice, and appalling language. And that´s just in the “previously…” before the credits role.

But the characters have a reality and solidity to them. They do stupid things, but they are consistent to themselves. And with my somewhat unusual life and background I am able to say with absolute honesty that some form of the characters pretty much exist in real life!

And they have fun and play with the conceits. Ray dashing home to stop his daughter saying something stupid to a police officer does a “Seinfeld slide” through the front door and then takes half a beat to put his cool back in place. The ex-Mossad agent who works for Ray isn’t  a superman. Though you wouldn’t like him to meet you when you came home.

And the casting is superb and normally against type. Jon Voight as a Boston bank robber and drug dealer? Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) as a dumpy housewife? Hank Azaria as a psychotic murdering senior FBI Special Agent? Perfect.

donovan 3

What every well-dressed thug/fixer is wearing.

And without any spoilers, one of the major plot lines in the latest series is Mickey (Jon Voight) finding himself running an LA escort service. Now as I run some the best escorts services in Marbella and am great friends with the finest escort agency in Ibiza I normally can´t watch fictional depictions of the industry. (Though Secret Diary of a London Call Girl made me laugh).

Some of this particular plot-line in Ray Donovan is irritating. Hookers and cocaine? Again? But some of it so familiar that I cried laughing.

A fetish client requires an adult nappy and fresh breast milk at an hour´s notice? Yep, been there in Marbella. The gang of nerds who get way out of their depth after a little coaxing? An average August weekend in Ibiza. Girls who blow hot and cold for no reason (pun intended) with no notice or reason? Oh goodness me, never! Girls who you have moved heaven and earth for and treated like family who tell you after they have left that they decided to up sticks and leave you in the lurch without a moments notice? Heaven forfend.

So, if you get the chance to check out Ray Donovan, you should. It´s engaging and entertaining in the way that only US shows with big budgets and great writers can be these days.

Kisses

Ione x

The Adult Industry Leads The Way

I have been saying for a long time that people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the adult industry. Rather than being seedy and filled with neanderthal perverts, it is a huge and technologically advanced sector.

This article from Business Insider gives a great analysis of how the porn and adult industry has led (and still leads) the way in everything from driving bandwidth requirements to payment gateways, subscription services and on-demand services and even interactivity in ways I am not even going to try and describe.

There is even an argument that the internet as we know it today wouldn´t exist without porn. I am quite sure that Google wouldn´t be the global force it is today without it´s effectiveness in handling searches like “sexy blonde dwarf” and “hot escorts Marbella“. Yet Google glass has recently banned porn and Google adwords will not publicise escort services. Despite the fact that escorts in Marbella or escorts in Ibiza are perfectly legal and not governed by the same insane laws and morality that apply to the US.

Porn alone is estimated as a $97 billion sector each year, before the rest of the adult industry is factored in.

SEO in escort services and porn is far more competitive than it is in most sectors. To get an escort site highly ranked in the right city is extremely hard, especially in one of the major markets. Getting a porn site to rank highly must be a ferociously hard task. For one of my sites for Marbella escorts to achieve a decent ranking took nearly four months of solid site and back-link building, and more than 15,000 backlinks of the right kind. Our friends marketing Ibiza escorts have a similar experience.

Building a highly ranked site for local real estate or flower delivery is much less competitive and simpler.

So, next time you type and click, before you feast your eyes and anything else, reflect for a moment on the hard work and tech savvy that made your viewing delight possible!

Kisses

Ione x

british union flag wrapped around naked woman with bulldog in backgroun