Promoting Sex in Madrid & Barcelona

“Fornication will sell” they claim. “You can continuously sell sexual practice” they claim. “Fella will always pay for fornication” supposedly. Or my personal most-loved from Banshee, the very best TV program that almost no-one sees, “Dude will purchase boobs until they are broke or dead”.

Hence it must be very easy managing an escort agency therefore. Even more so if you are working in someplace like Madrid or Barcelona in Spain, when buying and marketing sexual activity is completely legal (They actually have no ordinances with regards to it one way or another ). If sex never fails to sells, and dudes will continuously purchase fornication, how tricky could it be to get massive sums of money with minimum effort? All you need to do is get a number of women to get the job done for you, do a little product promotion, possibly establish an online site, and that is it. You can then sit back, buy your bright pink pimp Range Rover with the leopard print velour upholstery and commence packing cash in hand into your safe-deposit box?

Hmm … seemingly it just isn’t actually that uncomplicated.

For now let us ignore the fact that if you do set up marketing Madrid escorts or putas in Barcelona you will be competing with world-class firms such as 2nd Circle. And that they will probably be able to attract far more attractive and alluring young ladies than you can. Because fornication definitely will sell, so all you need is some young ladies who can fog a mirror, right? And let us ignore the fact that they have professional drivers, credit card facilities, people who refer them business, repeat clients. Guy will consistently shell out for sex, so all you need is to offer it to them. Right?

Well, yes. But how do you offer it to them? The internet! That is the way to do it, obviously. Everyone knows that the world wide web is basically run by cats to offer males the chance to get their rocks off. So get a website done (by cats) and off you go.

You do not know how to build a website? Never mind, I am sure you cousin Kevin can do it. He is good with that Facebook and YouTube stuff. Oh, it is a bit more complicated than that? I am sure there are lots of nice people out there happy to take your funds to build you a nice internet site. Ignore the fact that they have never built one for the adult industry, a website is just a web page. How tough can it be?

By the way, putting those photos of Beyonce and Billie Piper on your new internet site because you have no actual young ladies? Not your best move. Enjoy the legal bill for that one.

But then you will be on Google and the phone will just ring off the hook with Madrid hookers asking to join you and men desperate to pay money for a quick shag … ah, you can not find your site? It is probably on page 69 (which is ironic) because it is a new site with no backlinks to it (what are backlinks? Oops!).

So you get some cards made up. Being smart you probably use a local designer and printer because that will be cheaper than using someone like Vistaprint. So you pay a couple of hundred to the designer and the same to get them printed, instead of fifty through the web. But they do look nice. So all you will have to do now is put them in all the bars. But people will not let you. Or hand them out to people. But you do not have the nerve or the touts for bars and clubs in the good locations chase you off.

So you put them in car windows, only to find that there are half a dozen cards already there and that yours are removed after fifteen minutes by the next person to come along.

The next move is for you to place an advert in the local paper, because you can in Spain. Now the phone will ring off the hook! Except that because selling sex is legal in Spain, and because fornication never fail to easily sells, there are fourteen pages of classified advertisements just like yours, with women will sell blowjobs for twenty euros.

And on the off chance that you do actually get a call from someone who happens to find something you have done around, you do not have any working females anyway.

But it is fine. Fornication continuously easily sells. Dude will shell out money for tits until they are broke or dead. Go you … good luck.

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The Contrast In Style Is Stunning

It does not matter how long I live in Marbella and the Costa del Sol, some things still surprise the hell out of me. And as I have been spending a lot of time in Ibiza this spring and summer it has been a little like seeing home in Marbella with a fresh eye.

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Not an escort. But very Marbella

Other than the sudden and massive increase in the number of people that seem to have appeared over night while I was away for a few days, one thing really struck me about Marbella (Puerto Banus especially) when I came back after a short trip to Ibiza. The massive, over-the-top bling slinging and super-human super conscious effort that visitors to Marbs take. TOWIE made “no carbs till Marbs” famous as a slogan. But it seems that they also somehow or other. Somewhere along the line, became the ultimate fashion and styling icons for anyone who visits Marbella, Puerto Banus and the surrounding area.

It seems that no woman of whatever age or physical condition can go to one of the beach clubs in Marbella such as Ocean Club, La Sala by the Sea, or Nikki Beach without six inch platform heels, a designer swimsuit with lots of metal on it (ouch in forty degree sunshine!) and full night-time make-up and hair styling. Together, of course, with lots of shiny bracelets, huge designer sunglasses and a designer handbag large enough to fit a small car.

And no man can appear at the same locations without some combination of steroid enhanced body-builder physique (with every single body hair removed of course) and large and very heavy luxury watch and a car that costs the same to run as a small African country.

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Again not an escort. But much more Ibiza.

Ibiza gives a total contrast. It is all about hippy chic and boho style. If you are a guy wearing a clunky luxury watch such as a Rolex you might as well put a sign over your head saying “asshole who doesn’t get it”. If you are a woman, it is shorts and a peasant top with flat shoes or trainers so you can go from the beach to the club and dance all night. And if your are wearing high heels you are either trying too hard or are advertising your wares as one of the lower-end streetwalking escorts who haunt the taxi ranks outside Space, Ushuaia and Pacha.

The same style differences apply to the escorts in Marbella and the escorts in Ibiza. None of my friends who work in Marbella and Puerto Banus could ever go to meet a client in anything other than full nightclub get up. Even at three in the afternoon. The highest of heels, the sexiest and most overt of dresses, full on blatant glamour with no exception unless the client has absolutely specified.

The best escorts Ibiza has to offer, as opposed to their peers who are the finest escorts Marbella can provide are much more low-key in their style. Shorts, ankle boots, (high heels in their bag together with the sex toys!) and much less overtly shouting their sex appeal.

I guess the girls fit what the men are used to being turned on by. Which makes total sense, of course. But flying from one to the other and being very aware of the styling and selling of sexuality is a little disorienting. And tough on the wardrobe!

Checking Your Phone During Sex…

 

I am fairly broad-minded. There are few things I haven’t done. Managing the best escorts in Marbella and having worked with the finest London escorts there are even fewer that I haven’t organised. And I don’t think there is anything that I haven’t been asked for, except necrophilia – though I did once have an enquiry from a man who wanted a girl to play dead. With his personality it was probably what he was used to from his previous partners…

But even I was shocked to discover a sex act that is so disgusting, that shows such little respect for the other human being(s) that you are with that it is staggering in its depravity. Checking out your phone notifications during sex.

Seriously, WTF people?

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And then she checked her Twitter feed…

A friend sent me the link to this Huffington Post video which is OK but did at least get me thinking. Surely that isn’t actually a thing? Well it seems that I am officially old. I checked it out with a selection of my friends both in and out of the adult industries. I thought maybe women might be more prone than men because, you know, cliches. Or professionals than amateurs because they are checking out for business.Or people in long term relationships rather than the first throes of passion because actually Twitter might be more stimulating!

And it seems that it is an age thing, not a profession thing. Amateur friends were no more or less likely to do or experience this than some stunning Ibiza escort. But while all my younger high class escort colleagues and friends immediately understood what I was asking and thought it was no big thing, my older civilian friends and mature London escorts had the same reaction I did.

For me, if the sex is so dull that you are able to check your phone, then there is something seriously wrong. And if you are paying for a woman’s time and attention and still check your phone then surely you aren’t getting value? Well, it seems I am officially an old fart.

But I am still right, and it is still wrong. So just stop it. OK?

Kisses,

Bella x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dildo selfie stick…just because…

A friend (now former friend!) sent me this video. Which is, of course, fabulous.Who hasn´t wanted to capture their orgasm face by using an extendable pointy stick and their mobile phone? What a totally awesome idea. (For those with an irony bypass I´m joking)

Incidentally, my former friend suggested that photos taken with the implement would be fantastic to use for my Marbella escorts website or for my friends who work with escorts in Ibiza and mature escort in London.

I have to admit that after I´d laughed my head off for a minute or so I did actually give it a second´s thought. Maybe not a full second because, eww. Even if it brought in business. just eww.

The link from the YouTube channel takes you through to a website that asks

Is the Dildo Selfie Stick real? No.

Is it a stupid idea? Yes.

IT’S TIME FOR US TO STOP SHARING

EVERY DETAIL OF OUR LIVES.

Oh I could not agree more! It is a fantastic sentiment that I totally endorse. So, will people please stop WhatsApping me with dick pics? I have seen one before. In fact I have looked them in the eye more than once and I promise you that if you´re sending me a photo of your one eyed monk it´s not going to impress either me or my girlfriends in Marbella.

And all the instragram accounts with photos of cups of coffee. Really? Let alone reality TV and all the morons who think its anything to do with reality. Whew that feels better. Thanks for listening and indulging me.

The video has great production values, is well acted and has received way over 1.5 million hits on YouTube. Given that it´s basically a promo video for Michael Krivicka (Twitter @thebaldguy ) who writes and produces viral videos, you have to take your hat off to him. Mission accomplished I´d say.

I´m feeling inspired to dive into my YouTube channel now and I´m advising all my friends including Ally´s Angels in Ibiza to do the same

Kisses
Ione x

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